The Story I'm Not Allowed to Tell

We are currently in a cute little rental house. We'd rather own and all, but after we sold the house in New Mexico to move to Nevada, we found a huge disparity in prices... and ended up in an apartment for 2 years. Ick. Not that apartment living is terrible (I have a wonderful family, they make everywhere good) but we were definitely in the older part of town. We still are, but now we're in a cute little house.

Moving right along.

The house didn't come with a fridge in the kitchen, but it did have an old clunker of a fridge in the garage. We decided against buying a small fridge for the kitchen, and just used the garage fridge (is it wrong for an LDS family to call an old garage fridge a "beer fridge"? Probably) as it was big, running, and available. Also, the tiny kitchen was roomier without a fridge.

Oh, and did I mention? The landlady says "if the fridge or washer/dryer die, we're not replacing it". Ok, good enough.

Moving along again...

The garage fridge. It's big, it's yellow, it's cold. Sometimes. Sometimes it's cold in back and warm in the front. Sometimes stuff freezes, sometimes the milk is lukewarm. I mess with the setting to make it a little colder (I like cold milk) but it would freeze other things... so my darling husband would turn it back up a little, since he didn't like frozen green beans. Down a little, up a little.

About 2 weeks ago I found that the milk was not only not cold, but it was warmish. Tepid. So, I turned the fridge down a notch and waited till morning. The next morning was no better, in fact it seemed worse. I mentioned the issue to handsome husband and he said "duly noted" or something like that.

Another morning, and things are bad. The ice cream is soft. The cheese is that weird rubbery consistency that cheese just should not be. I fear for the eggs. So, this calls for action. I put on my most thorough and convincing voice and call handsome at the office. "The fridge is on the verge of collapse. We'll lose everything if it doesn't get replaced today. I want to look on Craig'slist pronto!" and he agreed. Woo hoo for being determined!

After some discussion we find a not-too-old Kitchenaid fridge (oooh, I love my mixer, why not love my fridge?). A white side by side thing for $395. Handsome has to rearrange his schedule a bit, and decides to rent a truck and appliance dolly. Another $50 or $60 total. A friend says he'll help.

Being on bed rest, the only thing I can do is make calls and offer moral support. Handsome comes home hot and tired (it's 110 that day, and his little pickup has no air) but he empties the fridge and freezer into coolers, throws out a bunch of junk and goes to pick up the big truck. He then gathers his friend, and drives across town with cash in hand to get the fridge.

He gets home even more hot and tired. The folks they bought this from had to remove the front door of their house to get the sucker out. It took a while.

He and friend manhandle the fridge into the garage and move the other one out of the way. Plug it in. They get hotter and dirtier. Meanwhile I'm kicking back in handsome's recliner, watching a movie.

It's now 10pm. Our 10 year old son is waiting to go with dad in the big truck back to the U-Haul place. He's getting antsy, and really wants a ride.

Handsome comes in to see me. Tall, dark and dirty. I smile.

Then the bad conversation happens.

"Jen, when you turned down the fridge to make it colder... which way did you turn the dial?"

It takes me about 1.2 seconds to realize that I have made a grave error. My hands shoot up to cover my gaping mouth. Eyes like saucers. I am in big, big trouble. I know immediately that he is right. I turned the knob the wrong direction.

I did this myself.

Let me just stick a personal note in here at this point. I grew up in a difficult home where I feared making mistakes. At minimum there was yelling, and repercussions. I was also married before, and was in a similar situation. I didn't feel safe on normal days, and a screw up of this magnitude (essentially a $450 screw up) would have been a catastrophe.

Moving right along.

I was petrified, to say the least. I just sat there, staring, wondering if I was going to have to find somewhere new to sleep at night (ok, not entirely true, but close). Handsome quietly asked me to come out and look at the old fridge and show him how I turned it.

I did. I was wrong, just like I thought.

I apologized all over myself. I didn't know what else to say. He accepted my apology quietly, and took the boy in the truck to return it.

Very slowly and carefully, I wiped down the shelves of the new fridge and replaced the food from the coolers. Then I went inside to wait.

I reminded myself that my husband; my eternal companion, was not the man I had to live with as a child. He was not the man I was first married to. I had faith in him and in the decision I made to be with him for now and into the eternities. He is all of the good things that I didn't have in the first 30-odd years of my life.

He came home, our boy went to bed. I waited a few minutes and then went out into the garage. The old fridge was still sitting there and was blocking my view of him. All I could see were his hands on top of the big yellow fridge, still, and gripping the edge.

Then he did the most wonderful thing.

He took me by the hand and took me into the back yard. We sat in the dark and the quiet and held hands. He gently told me that while it had been a long, expensive night; that he knew it was for the best. He gave me reasons that we really did need the new fridge and then said "in five years this will be funny."

I told him "I think this is a new low for me!" and we started laughing. We laughed until there were tears and then we laughed some more.

I thought I loved him more than anything before that moment, but I knew that there was still more love to be had for him, and for us. He was so good, and kind, and generous. I could not believe how blessed I was to come through the rough patches of the bulk of my life, just to end up with such a man. I was full to bursting.

Then he said "ok, it's funny now too. But don't tell anyone this story, ok?"

And as no one reads this. I didn't. Not really.